Saturday, December 17, 2011

Add on to Grocery Shopping.

As I said before, we pretty much cannot walk into a public place without the comment "are these all yours?" thrown out there at least once - and always right away. Its like a silent alarm goes off that only normal people with 2.5 kids can hear that says "crazy lady with 100 kids just walked in! Someone go make sure they all belong to her."

Yesterday was no exception. It was one of those times where I knew all day that I had to do it and so had plenty of time to mentally prepare. And threaten. Everyone knew what had to happen and we were like a machine...until Lydia stopped in just about every single aisle to take off her shoes and scratch her feet. I think we caused enough traffic jams to have a target on our backs by the end. You know how when you're grocery shopping, you run into the same people in every aisle as you work your way to the front? Well, we pretty much pissed off everyone in the store. I even saw someone turn around and go the other way when they saw us. At least no one was screaming.

One of the people that was shopping along with us was a man with his son in the cart. I didn't get a good look at the kid so I don't know how old he was (I had one eye on my kids and the other on my kids). At one point, as I was hauling gallons and gallons of milk into our cart, I looked up at the guy and saw the dreaded look of panic. The look that I know I get when I realize we're gonna have to leave the cart and go home only to start all over again the next day. Then I heard him say to his kid (in the paniced, please don't start screaming voice) "its gonna be ok, buddy. Just please don't freak out. We can do this! We're almost done." Part of  me felt so bad for him because I've been there and it sucks...but also part of me wanted to walk up to him, slap him in the face and say "pull it together, man!" I didn't though. I just ran away. With 100 kids right behind me.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Doctor's Office

Oh, the joy of going to the Doc.

My kids call their doctor "the funniest doctor". His real name is Dr. Anderburg, but I don't think any of them know that. Every time we have to go, the kids get all excited. Same with the dentist, actually. The little weirdos...Anyway, its always an adventure for me. Six to one is pretty unfair numbers. Four to one is even pretty bad, but somehow we always survive it. In the past, I'd need a drink or two afterwards just to calm my nerves. Now that I don't drink I usually just scream into a pillow for 4 or 5 minutes when we get home. It works and no one gets hurt. Well, so far.

This morning's doctor's office adventure started the same as usual. It was just the four youngest but in a way that's worse because there's no one to hold the doors for me or grab a fleeing one year old every five seconds. We made it safely through the parking lot and through the first doorway before we heard the inevitable "are these all yours?" I have to refrain from telling people "no, I just bring extras for practice."

We made it to the room in the back without losing anyone, although at that point I'd almost thrown out my back two or three times trying to carry the always squirming and plotting Perrin in one arm and Fela in her 100 lb carseat in the other. Rowan and Fela were being seen, so we went through all the preliminary undressing and weighing and peeing on Mommy. Ro was excited, as always. Even when he knew he was getting shots. He assured me and the nurse that he likes shots. That was a red flag right there, but I think I'd rather them find out it hurts after they're on the table and all escape routes are blocked. I learned from Marek that a kid trying to avoid a shot is stronger than me and will give me bruises before we can finally hold him down long enough to shoot him up.

In the end, Rowan and Fela both screamed like banshees while giving me an evil look which I took to mean "what the hell have you done?" and "you're gonna pay for this." Yeah, yeah. After their shots, Lydia saw that the attention had shifted far from her, so she insisted on getting bandaids. Loudly. Perrin spent most of the time that my attention was elsewhere, lunging from one chair to another. I told him he was gonna fall on his head, which he eventually did. I said "I told you so," and then he got right back up and did it again. Whatever. I'm pretty sure he's already got brain damage anyway.

After all that it took another 15 minutes to pull everything together and actually leave the room and head to the check out. Fela was pissed, still is in fact. She added a new octave to her crying today. I hope she's not storing it away in her memory for when she gets older and learns from Lydia how to act mad at me. Which, by the way is Lyd's new favoite thing to say to everyone. I'm afraid to take her to church because I can just imagine her walking up to the priest and saying "I'm mad at you, Fr. Ed." She does that to Rowan. Just randomly walks up to him and says loudly "I'm mad at you Ro-Ro!" He looks up at her for a second and then continues on with whatever he was doing. He knows she's insane, I think.

So, that was today. I'm done with it.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Perrin and his weapons.

Out of all my kids, Perrin is definatly the most violent. Even his tantrums are epic. And this is compared to
Lydia, which is sayin something. But he's also the quickest to laugh and he's happy a lot of the time...especially when the other kids are gone. This past summer, the older kids spent a week with Nate's parents in Saginaw and Perrin was the only one home. I was afraid he'd be bored and crabby but, nope. He loved every minute of it. And when they got home I thought he'd be excited but he just got mad at them for playing with "his" toys.

We have some toy swords in our house. Just after Fela was born, I'd sit on the couch to nurse her. And when he saw me trapped there, he'd go find a sword and then stand next to me and hit me with it over and over again. Good thing those things are foam.

I bought Lydia a sparkly baton but had to return it the next day because Perrin used it to bash her over the head with every chance he got.

The kids are pretty tolerant of Perrin. I think because he's willing to jump in the pile and wrestle with them without crying over a few bruises - which he's always covered with. In fact, when he was born his face was completly swollen and black and blue...I should have known it was an omen of things to come. The kid almost always has a black eye. Unfortunatly, the kids tolerance of him in a wrestling match has made him pretty bold. Lately, he'll go running after the other kids, laughing like a maniac with his mouth wide open, tackle them, and then try like hell to bite something off. And all the kids think its halarious. Until they eventually get bit, of course, then they come crying to me. If they can get away from him.

So, latley I just hand a foam sword to the kid he's attacking and hope they have the skills to fend him off. We're all getting pretty good at it, actually.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Rowan's love for me/Advent

I'm ashamed to admit that we've never done a Jesse Tree with our kids for Advent. I think they would really like it and love all the Bible stories that goes with it. We've also never had an Advent wreath. Until now, actually. Raina made a cardboard one in school and even though we can't light the candles, its sitting in the middle of the table. Hopefully no one desides to light one, that could be interesting.

Anyway, I decided this year to start reading the Bible stories and saying the prayers at dinner. Just now, actually so I'll have to give Nate the heads up when he gets home. So, tonight I said the prayers. Then I called my mom to see if she had her list of Bible passages handy. Well, why wouldn't she? It is Advent after all. She didn't answer...sooooo, we talked about the song "Oh Come Oh Come Emmanuel". The kids said they're learning it in school so I tried to get them to sing it with me. I got a very emphatic NO. Well, I'm not one to give up easily, so I started siging it to them by myself. My voice is decent, not great I guess but I can hold a tune. I almost got through the first verse when Rowan interupted me. "Mommy," he says "can you please stop singing that song, its annoying."
I admit I laughed out loud while my kids looked on with worried faces. (Remember Mean Mommy Elephant?) I'm not giving up, either. Those kids are gonna be singing with me by the end of Advent, damn it. And Rowan's getting a solo.